"Homecooked"

Hello,

As I sip on my bottle of “Naked” juice that I still have from our last meeting, haha & post this overdue since I’m the greatest procrastinator in the world(Something I should not be proud of), I guess my High School habits have followed me. Anyways, As a couple in the folks in the space have said, I too have been apart of the “Land is Life” workshop a couple times before and each time I do it it’s always a different group of folks. Each time I’ve done it has also given me a different experience since I get to hear so many different stories/narratives. My first post-it with my family was around the Martial Law Era in the Mid-80’s and I am a Second Generation Filipino-American. My parents were the first to Immigrate here. My mind may be not so fresh from Friday, but I think we listed out what resources were. People were one of them. Like how JR says “Health is Wealth.” The things necessary to maintain our wealth is food, clothes, shelter & I’ll admit I take a lot of these things for granted… Growing up I’ve been spoiled with the above, because I’ve always had enough to get by. I‘ll share that my mom is a working professional that came here to the United States to get a better paying job than she can ever get in the Philippines. It wasn’t no walk in the park for her, but she used her privilege to her advantage in order to set me up so I won’t have to feel her pains, her stress, her struggle… She was a single working mother at the time when I was born. Her degree didn’t mean a lot here at first and her first job was a CNA in Alameda, but that lasted for only 3 days. So, she had to resort to working at Carl’s Junior & Montgomery Ward in Sunnyvale for awhile. Currently she is working for the Department of Health and she has a decent enough salary where I am comfortable enough to not to work yet in my life. I haven’t even had a sample of how she has felt over the years. I’m nothing but a second generation Fil-Am who has lived in the same house for almost 19 years of my life. I guess one of my greatest fears is “growing up” or accepting responsibility since I’ve been so privileged enough to have a memorable childhood. I tend to “forget” about the blood, sweat, & tears my mom has shed for me. (I don’t know if she’s bled, but it just sounds cooler by putting “blood in it”, so the blood part is a maybe…) She worked extra shifts for a majority of my childhood and I had my grandparents to take care of me & my uncles & aunts who still live in our house who haven’t had a chance to move out yet. I had so much attention since I was “unexpected” & I’ll admit my childhood was something special. I have so many Ninongs & Ninangs that have spoiled the shit out of me since my mother was working. That attention and expectation developed and their encouragement gets in my head and eventually I develop a "false sense of pride" and I tend to "bear a cross", "carry weight on my shoulders". That’s where I’ve failed in my past and recently have been making that mistake because their message to me gets twisted in my mind. The reason why I wanted to try so hard in school was for my mom… for my grandpa… & I also dream that one day I can muster enough cash and re-connect with my Biological Father’s family. I just have to remind myself of my purpose.

I don’t like seeing my mom cry… I don’t like my grandpa struggling with his old age… See if I don’t constantly humble myself and cherish the people that have set me up in my privilieged situation where I have a roof above my head, food on the table, & clothes on my body, and an opportunity to go straight to a 4 yr University, & enough time for myself at my disposal. If I don't humble myself, I spit on my mom’s face…, I spit on my grandpa’s face… I spit on their struggles& their lives because I haven’t met them halfway & “doin’ my own thang” becomes a selfish behavior I can/have develop(ed). Staying humble has helped me gain friends, new loved ones, & helped me live a good life. I’m no perfect man and there are times when I am not humble and abuse my privileges and those friends & loved ones may despise me at times.

Land is Life. Land is resources. Resources give us the essentials we need in order to survive. "I should always know my privileges and should not take them for granted, because I know there are other people that have it tougher than me.” (I put this on facebook a couple days ago, haha) Bringing it back home to the Motherland, my fams would of never have left the Philippines unless there was a reason to. Like I shared, my cousin is still in the Philippines and he currently is still there married with two kids. It breaks my heart everytime he calls our house and has to beg for money since my God son & god daughter are sick or even the fact that he says “hello” means that he needs money… we here in the U.S. are also struggling, but my cousin is trapped there all alone and can’t arrive here and reunite with us since the damn process takes so long. My cousin is in his 30’s and been living alone without his immediate family, because they’re all here. He’s almost been forgotten… I also know why I am a “God parent” to many family members, it’s because I am capable of “giving them money.” I know why I am a part of the entourage for family events since my privilege allows me to “sponsor.” As much as it is family, there’s always this root cuase called money. Capitalism makes us rely on it all the time. Like the workshop showed us. The Three Basic Problems are what we need to ANALYZE, MOBILIZE, & ORGANIZE against in order to fight for that social change where there is hope that one day there will be a day where we flip this social pyramid Feudalism has created, in which the people at the top lose their power & then the wealth is equally distributed. “Think Globaly, Act Locally.” The Third world also is under extreme oppression due to U.S. Imperialism and I picture the U.S. as this “Octopus” which has it’s arms spread out everywhere, & us as Filipino-American focus on the Philippines & try to make as many connections as we can, & Our focus is to chop off one of it’s arms then we weaken this “beast” whose arms are every where.

Unlike Faye(Sorry if I used you as an example… It's all love), I am a second generation Filipino-American, I do not have an intimate personal attachment to the Philippines on my own & my perspective is in trying to understand & I won't fully understand until I go on an expo trip sometime in my future. For my creative piece, here’s a song… “Homecooked”, by Bambu, (½ of Native Guns). I would love to re-unite with the motherland someday without having the “Balikbayan” experience…

One Love,

"Ian who be screamin'"